For As Long As We Remember
by Raven55
Summary: A small sob escaped his lips. The song described the loneliness he felt so correctly that it hurt him every time he sang it. He was so alone…and all that he could do to feel better, to feel she was still there, was to think of all the memories he had of h


**Disc: **I own nothing. The song is part of Final Fantasy IX, SquareSoft, I beliebe (Which is now called Square Enix) But seeing as how it's from this same game on which the fic is based, I thought it'd be allowed to use the lyrics. If not, then please excuse me. I didn't mean any harm.

**For As Long As We Remember**

The moon was high up in the sky and the wind gently rustled through his blond hair. In his arms he held a small bundle of cloth, but he didn't look at it. It was almost as if his attention was fixed on something invisible.

He felt so alone these days. It felt like there was nothing to keep him going anymore. His friends, unable to console him, had slowly started to stay away. Of course they'd come to see him once in a while, but those meetings were always painful.

They'd talk about their children, their new lives, about how rebuilding their homes was coming along. But they'd always end up talking about their adventure too. And they couldn't talk about that without bringing back memories of _her_.

They'd always end up talking about the fight against Kuja, against evil. They'd talk about the war that had started out as a fight against Brahne, her mother.

One thing he had always admired in her was her bravery. She had been raised as a princess, learning nothing but etiquette and royal ways. But when the time had come to stand up against what she knew in her heart to be wrong, she had prevailed.

She had fought against her mother, against the hunters that had come after her. She'd helped defeat everything that had threatened the world they had all cherished.

He knew she had believed at first that he was just a rogue, a harsh man to communicate with. That he had only helped her because he was getting paid. But the truth was that he had fallen in love with her the very first time her heard her song.

It had mesmerised him beyond anything he had ever known and it was the most loving melody he had ever heard. But no matter how sweet and loving it had once been to him, it now only made him cry. It reminded him of how lonely he was.

"You shouldn't have died." He said quietly. "You shouldn't have left me, us. There are so many things you're missing."

He still didn't understand why she had died. Through all of the fighting she had shown she was a strong and tough person, someone who was resilient and who always pulled through one way or the other.

But when it had come to something like giving life, she had failed to live herself. Her white magic didn't help her then.

He looked at the little bundle in his arms for the first time that night. Pulling away the folds of fabric, he could see the tiny head of black hair that belonged to his daughter. Their daughter. She looked so much like her mother, with her pretty face and her gorgeous brown eyes. There was no doubt she'd become a fine, beautiful lady someday, just like the woman who had carried her.

The only difference he could see in this little baby was the small stub on her forehead, where there'd soon grow a horn.

The baby stirred and began to mutter. Slowly he rocked her back to sleep with the only song he could think of.

"_Alone for a while, I've been searching through the dark. For traces of the love you left, inside my lonely heart. To weave, by picking up the pieces that remain, melodies of life. Love's lost refrain…"_

A small sob escaped his lips. The song described the loneliness he felt so correctly that it hurt him every time he sang it. He was so alone…and all that he could do to feel better, to feel she was still there, was to think of all the memories he had of her.

"_Our paths, they did cross. Though I cannot say just why. We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye. And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told? Let them ring out loud, till they unfold. In my dearest memory I see you reaching out to me. Was it fate that brought us close and now leaves me behind…"_

Behind him he heard the door open. He didn't turn around, knowing it could only Freya. Freya, the only friend who still kept visiting him, whether he responded or not.

"Zidane…" she whispered softly, knowing he wouldn't answer.

He traced a finger across the cheek of his little girl. How could he look at her and not remember Dagger?

"_A voice from the past, joining yours and mine," _he continued softly, taking no notice of Freya, "a_dding up the layers of harmony. And so it goes, on and on. Melodies of life, to the sky beyond the flying birds. Forever and on…So far and away, see the bird as it flies by. Gliding through the shadows of the clouds up in the sky. I've laid my memories and dreams upon those wings. Leave them now and see what tomorrow brings. In your dearest memory, do you remember loving me? Though you're gone, I still believe that you can call out my name."_

Oh, if it could only be that easy. To put wings on your memories so they could fly away, never to plague you again.

His eyes began to burn with tears. Freya stepped back a few steps and leaned against the doorpost. She watched the silhouette of that frail man that had once seemed so strong and indestructible. But since the princess' death, he had lost his once fiery attitude and seemed nothing more than a soulless shell.

She hummed along with him, knowing the tune so well through repetition. Not just the princess, but Eiko and Zidane too, had been unusually fond of it. It seemed to sooth everyone's soul. Everyone's except Ziane's.

"_A voice from the past, joining yours and mine, adding up the layers of harmony. And so it goes, on and on. Melodies of life, to the sky beyond the flying birds. Forever and on."_

Suddenly he stopped. Freya quickly silenced her own humming. This had been the most difficult part of the song for him to face. _She_ had sung it herself, that day, to remind him of what had been, and of what would be. She had known she wasn't going to live through to the end. This had been her way of telling him what to do.

But he couldn't sing it, he couldn't get himself to utter the words. The burning sensation in his eyes was now joined by a sickeningly tight feeling in his throat. He sobbed her name, letting his tears run free.

Freya bit her lip. "Zidane, give Jade to me. I'll bring her inside, okay?"

Wordlessly he handed his daughter over. He turned away from Freya, not wanting her to see how he truly felt. Freya took the girl and cuddled her. Then she took her inside.

Finally he allowed himself to break.

"Oh Dagger, I can't do this…I need you…I miss you. I'm so sorry for all of this. I promised I'd be a good father, but it's so _hard_…" He sobbed.

Through the open door he could hear Freya continue the song.

"_If I should leave this lonely world behind. Your voice will still remember our melody. Now I know we'll carry on…"_

Carry on…that's what he had promised to do, wasn't it. To carry on for their child and everything they had fought for. He stood up and forcefully dried his eyes. He would keep his promise.

"I love you." He whispered. "And I _will_ carry on."

"_Melodies of life, come circle round and grow deep in our hearts. For as long as we remember…"_

**The End**


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